Why Do I Feel So Stuck?
One of the most common things I hear from my clients is:
"I feel so stuck. I don't know what to do."
I had one client who came to me feeling exactly like that.
When she first came to me, she'd recently gotten divorced and was trying to find her footing as a single mom. She was in a newer relationship with a kind man, but so much of her emotional energy was going into wanting him to be more present, more caring, and more dependable. She believed that if he would just show up differently, she'd finally feel more secure and finally be able to create the life she wanted.
At the same time, she doubted herself constantly.
She questioned her intuition and ideas.
She questioned whether she was making the right decisions.
Her shoulders and neck ached. She felt exhausted all the time. It was as if her body had been carrying the weight of everyone else's needs for years.
In one of our first coaching sessions, I asked her to do a specific art project so she could begin to see herself and recognize just how dynamic, creative, and capable she really was. From our initial conversations, I could tell she was deeply doubting her abilities, and I had a feeling this project might help her discover something she couldn't yet see in herself.
She walked into our next session carrying one of the most beautifully crafted creative pieces I'd ever seen.
As she described it, I found myself studying not only the pictures she'd chosen, but the way she'd put them together. It was so unique. So colorful. So intentional.
Scattered throughout her creation were images of strong, successful women. Women who were confident, independent, and fully alive.
She looked at those pictures and said,
As she walked me through what she had created, something became so obvious.
She had an incredible eye.
She naturally saw beauty, possibility, and potential. It wasn't something she had to work hard had. It came very easily to her.
I remember thinking, She has such a gift. But she couldn't see it.
She was so busy questioning herself that she couldn't recognize what was already inside of her.
And yet, almost all of her energy was going into trying to get her boyfriend to become the man she needed him to be. That’s what she wanted to talk mostly about…her boyfriend….and all the ways he wasn’t showing up for her.
Sitting there listening to her, something really clicked in me. After decades of doing this work, one thing has become incredibly clear to me: while every woman's story is unique, the pattern underneath it often isn't.
Why So Many Women Feel Stuck
So many women think they're stuck because they don't know what to do.
But often, they're stuck because they're putting their energy in the wrong place.
They're trying to change someone else instead of changing the relationship they have with themselves.
They're trying to feel chosen instead of choosing themselves.
They're looking for someone else to give them the confidence, security, and validation they've never learned to give themselves.
They're looking outside themselves for something they've never learned to cultivate within themselves.
I see it all the time.
In my experience, most of the women I work with don't even realize how much of their energy is going toward seeking approval from everyone else because they've never learned how to validate themselves.
A woman wants to write a book, but she can't seem to find the motivation. She assumes she's procrastinating. But when we look closer, we discover that her energy isn't in writing the book.
It's in wondering whether people will like it...whether they'll criticize it...whether she'll embarrass herself...whether anyone will buy it.
She's not writing from her heart anymore. She's writing for the approval of strangers.
Or the woman who's desperate for her boss to finally recognize her value. She spends years waiting for them to validate what she's already capable of seeing in herself.
Or the woman who can't stop asking everyone else what they think before making a decision. She isn't emotionally stuck because she doesn't know what she wants. She's stuck because she's learned to trust everyone else's voice more than her own. Years of self-doubt and overthinking have made it difficult to hear her own intuition.
How Learning to Trust Yourself Changes Everything
Throughout our coaching process, I continually redirected my client's attention away from her boyfriend's shortcomings and back to herself. Rather than looking outside herself for answers, she slowly began rebuilding trust in her own intuition. As her self-trust grew, so did her confidence.
She became more trusting of her ideas and the gifts that had been there all along.
And then she did something that changed everything.
She put those gifts into action.
She bought her first home and started transforming it.
Instead of letting everyone else's opinions drown out her own instincts, she trusted herself. She found the right craftsmen, made bold design decisions, and created a home that reflected the vision she'd carried inside her all along.
The confidence she gained from trusting herself didn't stop with one house. It gave her the courage to buy another and begin her home-flipping business.
Today, she's remodeling that very first home she bought, with plans to build a business creating affordable, beautifully renovated homes that give people the opportunity to become homeowners in that part of the country.
What once felt impossible now feels achievable for her. She trusts herself.
And a woman who trusts herself takes action from internal motivation, not from trying to get reassurance from the outside world.
When I look back now, it makes perfect sense.
The woman who created that beautiful art project was the same woman who could walk into an outdated house and immediately see beauty, possibility, and potential.
The gift had been there all along.
What changed was that she finally trusted herself enough to act on it.
I don't believe most women feel stuck because they're lazy, unmotivated, or incapable. I believe they're exhausted from years of people-pleasing, overthinking, and seeking validation outside themselves.
I think they're exhausted from investing their energy in places that can never give them what they're looking for.
The moment they stop waiting for someone else to provide the confidence, permission, security, or validation they've been chasing...
...and begin cultivating those things within themselves...
...they stop feeling stuck.
Real emotional healing begins when a woman's energy shifts from trying to control everyone else to learning how to trust herself.
Their circumstances don't always change overnight. But the way they begin showing up in their lives does.
If you've been asking yourself, "Why do I feel so stuck?", you're not alone. It's one of the most common questions I hear from women in my coaching practice.
Maybe the better question isn't, "What's wrong with me?"
Maybe it's, "Where am I investing my energy?"
Because the life you are longing for doesn't begin when someone else changes.
It begins the moment you stop abandoning yourself and start trusting the woman you've been all along.
Ready to Stop Feeling Stuck?
If this article felt like it was written about you, know this:
You don't have to figure it out alone.
For over 25 years, I've helped women reconnect with themselves, quiet self-doubt, heal the patterns of self-abandonment, and finally begin trusting the voice they've spent years ignoring.
If you're ready to stop talking yourself out of the life you want and start becoming the woman you know you're capable of being, I'd love to help.
Schedule your complimentary 30-minute consultation, and let's explore what becomes possible when you stop investing your energy everywhere else...and start bringing it home to yourself.
About the Author
Jessica Sheaffer is a women's life coach in Austin, Texas, with more than 25 years of experience helping women overcome self-doubt, heal patterns of self-abandonment, and reconnect with themselves. Through coaching, somatic work, and nervous system healing, she helps women stop talking themselves out of the life they truly want.
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